Maybe you are like me- you began the spiritual journey of self-discovery. You read the books, you started eating clean, you noticed what you were putting into your body, on your body and viewing with your eyes. You began seeking spiritual truths. You started digging into the mysteries of the Universe. Life started to unfold before your eyes! Everything seemed amazing and new and possibilities felt limitless.

But- but there was someone in your life, the naysayer. I think we all have them, especially when we begin this journey. This person is probably someone dear to you and close to you. They however become your naysayer. Everything you learn you are bubbling up with excitement to share. You feel God opening doorways, and paths and showing you things and the naysayer says well "NAY!" Every time you try to share with this person, they say "NAY!" "NAY!" "NAY!"

Pretty soon you begin to doubt your journey. You begin to doubt the process and the awakening. The naysayer says you are being foolish. They do not care about what you have to say. They want you to go back to the way you used to be with them. They want you to go back to sleep like they are asleep. This is where things get very pivotal. 

You can either continue in this codependent relationship with the naysayer, and somehow live in shadow, hiding your secrets and the awakening because they just rain on the parade, or you cut them loose. 
I must say that I have stayed way too long with the naysayer. 
I have gone in and out of awakening for decades. The naysayer is powerful and strong in their thought pattern. They are entrenched, and because you are learning something new there is a lot of doubt and questioning. Until you can root yourself into an established group of people who are also on the journey, the naysayer will pull you back into the numbing. 

I have not wanted to let go of my naysayer. I literally feel like I can't. I have determined to stay rooted where I am, and not veer from my path. If they want to come along, come along. If they have no interest in growing, in spiritual living, in the mysteries of the Universe, then I am believing they will remove themselves from my life. 

It is sad, and I don't want it to happen that way. I am practicing Letting Go with Love. I have this really special card set. It is 44 Inspirational Cards to Experience the Power of Surrender by David R. Hawkinds M.D. P.h.D. 
I am putting the link for the deck here: https://amzn.to/4d1gOSE
*If you purchase this deck through the link I get a small commission. Thank you for your patronage to my site!

My card for today- on one side it says, "The goal of surrender is transcendence; our greater destiny is total freedom." The other side says, "Make a decision that freedom is more desirable than having a negative feeling."

Gosh- wow! That is hard in practice. I am struggling with some negative feelings. God help me to Let Go of the outcome of the naysayer's life. Help me to step into my greatness! Help me to be bold and brave and powerful in what you have set before me. I don't know if my life is supposed to stay in conjunction with this person, but I let him go to you! Amen.
​

It has been a challenge for me to stay up with my vibration. I am a sensitive person, and I get affected by moods, energies, people, and like everything- very easily. This is a good thing and can be my superpower, but when energies come too quickly without coming home to myself, I get run down. 

I have had a head cold the last few days. I have not had a head cold for a while! Like over a year, or more. It has been great! Since learning German New Medicine last year, I have really tried to clear my energy and stay out of conflict.

The last 2 weeks have been intense and one thing after another and topped off with two family birthday parties in 3 days and lots of cake. I do not eat cane sugar anymore. My body is sensitive to cane sugar and goes a bit berserk when I eat it. (Excessively). I can have a nibble. I think it was the last pressure straw on top of a conflict, let's call it a STINK CONFLICT in German New Medicine and my body just pooped out. 

Frustrating because I have been more aware and conscious of my body my needs, and my no's. Grateful this happened now and not a few weeks from now, because I will be going on an international trip, and this is a very good reminder of coming back to me. 

Let me give you a for instance. When I am rested. When my pace is peaceful. When I feel good. When I feel nourished, and have been eating really well- it's easy to feel good. When I am go go go, and this does not happen to me much anymore. It was like a perfect storm of activities that piled up faster than I could realize, and when I am go go go, I want sugar. It's like a quick energy, quick fix. It temporarily satisfies and calms me. (Very temporarily). On the heels of a too much, and a bit of self-abandonment, I sugar binged and now am 3 days into a head cold. 

I could also look at this like conflict resolution. There is a certain family member that I feel responsible for. In fact, I have a few family members that I must tell myself to STOP being responsible for. There is this certain family member, who I feel responsible for, in certain ways. They are responsible in many ways, but there are some ways where I have somehow been given the job of management. Over the last year, I have been progressively noticing how I self-abandon to help this person. I didn't realize that was the root of my anger. I would find myself angry every time I was with this person, and I thought it was them. 

Now maybe it is them to some degree, but the piece that was angering me so much is the feeling like I had to self-abandon to be there for them. When I would abandon my needs for their needs, and their needs felt so big and heavy, I would get terribly angry. This pattern has been repeating and repeating to the point where I am at the space of "I can't abandon myself another second in this relationship." It's like enough! Enough is enough!

That is what happened this week, and I had a realization when I finally said NO to something. The no felt so good and like relief. Immediately on the heels of that no, I got "sick." In German New Medicine, I could frame it as I was in a STINK CONFLICT- as in "this situation stinks!" Then when I said NO- my body went into resolution phase, bacterial and fungus come in to clean up the excess tissues in the nose. The nose gets stuffy, and I have a head cold. 

That is how I am choosing to look at this. I always feel like there is a spiritual piece to being unwell. Another STINK CONFLICT I think I discovered during this down time, is the conflict or feeling like "it is not fair that so and so is more successful than I am." That is a very strong "This stinks!" feeling in my body. 

Today I started to reframe this insecurity, or jealousy, or maybe it is just grief- to.... but I have a story. They may appear more successful, but what I am building has depth. There is substance. There is a story. I am the story. I have amazing creations to share. 

Those realizations and the help of my good friends echinacea, elderberry, goldenseal root, cayenne pepper, mangosteen, lobelia, peppermint, thyme, rosemary, cinnamon, cacao, garlic and my goodness- more! My herbal allies are helping me get better. 
​Many blessings! 

If you notice a sting, or a squeeze, or any kind of sensation in your body when comparing to someone- you are not ok with who you are. 

Most people- who I would say are "normal" people will compare themselves to others in their circle. I am not a violinist and will not compare myself to someone who is. I may look at an accomplished musician and feel awe or gratitude for their ability, but I will not compare and condemn myself. 

Someone who has not healed may have a hard time even recognizing the magnificence in another. They may criticize continually. I have had the privilege of learning this odd lesson through close contact with a particular family. I used to be in awe of them. They were always so confident, and capable and seemed wonderful at everything they did. They had this weird habit though of criticizing, making fun of and not giving credit to any other human beings. 

These people had a significant flaw that prevented them from realistically viewing themselves and others. This grandiosity gave them great ability, but and on the surface, they seemed great- but their humanity was lacking.  

I on the other hand had a tendency to compare and condemn myself for not being good enough, tall enough, earning enough, etc. I would view others and then put myself down, amplifying other people as so much better than myself. 

Just recently I noticed a few people that I used to compare myself to, and I thought- hmmm wow, or hmmm what they do just doesn't feel like me, or what they do is great for them. I then thought "I am happy, like really happy with what I do." This was a big win for me, to feel deeply satisfied with my own abilities, my own gifts, my own progress, and my own life. 

I want you to know that the person out there that you compare yourself to, may look "perfect." They may check all the boxes and have all the stuff. They may also be deeply wounded, and miserable because they are not even close to being aligned with who they are. They are just really good at competing and looking the part.

I have decided I would rather live in a cabin in the woods and be my true self- then in a castle on a hill and have got there by deceit to myself and others.  

I learned this term from a program that I am a part of. It sounds funny to me. Kingdom is what is more familiar and feels familiar. When I say familiar, it is familiar in that I can picture a Kingdom with a King and a castle, but a Queendom is atypical. This is not a new term or new word. It has existed for hundreds of years describing a Queen and her people, lands, and holdings, just like a king would have. 

Why do I want to be a QUEEN so badly. Not the queen that we see on TV. Not the drama queen, or the other one that I don't feel like writing out here, but a QUEEN like a queen with a crown, and power and authority and subjects, and wealth and position and honor. Those are the words that come to mind when I think of what a Queen would have or be. 

My QUEENDOM would perhaps be much smaller than those of England; I just don't have the heredity or inheritance of a Royal family, but I want to create my own queendom regardless in the size and measure I am able. I picture it the way I want it. I see a stone home, like a stone farmhouse with a number of other smaller stone buildings and a big barn. I see land and woods, and trees, and pastures, and some animals. Maybe a horse and some sheep and a dog and a few cats. There is most definitely water, as all proper properties had water of some sort. I think I would like a flowing creek. Not a river that is too big and can overflow, but a good-sized creek that can be fished, or paddled in and for swimming in the summer. 

In my QUEENDOM I command respect, not by being a ruling jerk but because I command it through my presence and my conviction. I can make choices that feel like alignment. Each day is aligned. I feel the sun and the warmth of its rays and the cool breeze, and I go to my art studio to create, and I choose to do what feels good and feels like alignment all day. 

I do not want to harp on that which I don't want, but I want to walk away from drama, addiction, pain, stress, and other lower functioning people who want to live in those spaces and energies. I want to live in my design in the light of God in and through me. 

People come to my QUEENDOM for healing and health and the herbs I can share. The herbs I grow on the property and in my gardens, expertly manicured, are then dried and kept safe in jars in my cottage on the property where I see my clients. 

I am not a QUEEN to sit by idly. I do not need a throne, just a crown and land. The crown is metaphorical, but it is over my head like a halo of gold, because my connection with God is strong. I work diligently and love to work, and love to be with people who love to work in service of others. Grumbling is not allowed, and in fact a grumbler will not even want to be in my QUEENDOM. They will feel repelled by the energy, and that is fine and good for me. 

I sing and find joy in the cottage of stone next to the house of stone making and mixing my potions and teas and sitting quietly with friends, and neighbors with a pot of tea. We talk and laugh and share stories and that is where the real healing occurs. Everyone who comes to my QUEENDOM goes home with something. They go home with joy in their heart, or tea in their pocket, and a fabulous story to tell. 

My skin feels light, my heart feels light, I feel light. I do not need a lot in my little country. In fact, I am not big on gold and even silver, but love fabrics. I would want rich velvet fabrics and linens and comfy chairs stuffed with natural fibers. Bedspreads of luxurious woven cotton.  I feel warmed by wool rugs and tapestries on the stone walls. My feet feel wooden floors and stone flags, and the water there is pure and clean and tastes so good. My pleasures are simple and true and include good food, good sleep, and good company.

I have no more patience for those still operating in the dark kingdom. People who can't find their way out of that darker place and want to continually experiment with the undercurrent or underbelly of human vice will not be in my Queendom or even want to come to my Queendom. I have a fence around the land, a true fence of stone walls and then a hedge of spiritual protection. Dirt lanes go to and fro to other parts of the woods and lands near by and quiet walks revive and refresh those who come to my lands. 

I sigh each night with a job well done, a day well spent and a heart full of joy. I send prayers to those who need to find my little QUEENDOM. Good night sweet land, sweet woods, sweet creek, sweet home, sweet stones, sweet plants and bounty thereof. Thank you, God, for the lovely people who you send my way. Those who tend the land with me, and those who have left the dark kingdom far behind. What a wonderful life to live, I say. What a pure and perfect dream to have. 

I want to realize certain desires. We can create our desires. Take a look at the life you have around you right now. You created it. You were part of the creation. Your thoughts became things. The difficulty is that we are born into a family, a culture, a unit and are shaped by that time and place and those people. Whatever gets programmed into your nervous system at a young age, will keep repeating. 
This applies to all the big categories, such as wealth, love and relationships, health, family connection, friends, travel, education. You name it. What was programmed in, went into your subconscious mind and became automatic. 
The darned trick is first becoming aware that some program is not what you want, or that it needs changing. Most of the programs or habits become so ingrained that people take them as due course. I have clients and people in my life say, "this is how God made me." "This is my lot in life." "This is the cross I have to bear." "The grass is always greener on the other side." "I just can't." "This is just how I am." "Our family has always been poor." "I didn't have a good start." "My genes are bad." The list goes on and on an on. 
All of these statements are false scripts keeping a person trapped in the pattern. It is the way the mind justifies or explains something that feels frustrating or disappointing. 

For me- to be a bit see through, I have struggled with my health. That is the program I received. STRUGGLE. My mom nearly died in her 20's from a variety of stress induced issues, and then had a miscarriage before me, and then I was told the horror of my birth story, which she loves to repeat. You see people get attached to their stories. They get something out of being the victim in the story. 

I hated the story of my birth. I told myself I did not want children. Now I have 5, and 4 were born natural at home, and it was amazing. All 5 of my births were amazing. You see I decided to re-write the story. That is what I had to do. I had to re-write it. To do so required a lot of meditation, talking to women who had natural birth, at home. Feeling the experience in my body. Studying, reading, and I think it was a lot of imagining. Pregnancy is a great place to feel new stories. Your body is so alive. My connection to God felt so alive during my pregnancies. It was such a magical time of creation for me. Each pregnancy brought a lot of job and new ideas. 

My postpartum experiences were not so great. I had a better time postpartum with my fifth child as I was intent on rewriting the script with her. 

Romantic relationship has been very difficult for me. I love love. I love Romance. I love courtship. I love the whole family thing. Yet- my subconscious mind was programmed for love to be agony, fighting, stress, worry, and more. I have had to do a lot of reprogramming to make improvements in my marriage, beyond what I experienced with my parents. There are still many scripts running in my mind, that I want to be re-written. This type of rewiring I find a lot harder. Relationship with a person is so different than making a new program about birth, or money, or wealth. Those things feel a bit independent. When you are rewiring a relationship program, you kind of need a cooperative partner. 

I think that is why many people get out of the relationship they are in and find another partner. That is one way to do it. It is very rare to stay in the relationship you are in and rewire it and create change. That is because both people are operating from their faulty programs, and the key to having the change is FEELING what you want deeply. When you are constantly triggered, or in pain, or stressed by a relationship, that is all you feel. You then create more pain, more stress, more yuck. Recreating in the midst of that is next to impossible and requires high level mastery. 

It requires a lot of space. Space to daydream. It requires space to get in the frequency and vibration that you desire to live in. It then requires boundaries. Love- good relationships- have many boundaries. Sometimes people think that true love is like true enmeshment. True love or healthy love stands with many boundaries in place so both people can exist in the relationship. 

Boundaries are difficult to learn and then even harder to implement when you come from a background where there were no boundaries. There are so many scripts to rewrite, and two people who have a tumultuous, or toxic relationship often came together because they both felt fear of abandonment. The very thing they need, like boundaries and space and separation inside the marriage, is terrifying when the core wounding is abandonment. 

You can see how jumbled a puzzle it is to rewrite a relationship script. I am in the midst of this. I am doing this. I have been doing this for years, and our marriage was nearly derailed by family intruders. That is the other piece you need for the relationship to be safe. You need a hedge of protection around the relationship. You may be thinking that your partner lets in all the intruders. Maybe he or she does let in the majority. I ask you to look at yourself and see where you have let them in. Energetically when we make a shift, the relationship will shift. If you can identify where energy from the marriage is leaking, and you close up those leaks, I guarantee you will see your partner automatically starts doing that as well. 

What is my vibe today? I am feeling about 3/10. I needed more sleep. I had too busy of a week without reconnection time to myself. I am tempted to blame my partner. He is at fault for why I feel low. That has been how I have operated. Toxic family systems often operate in a blame game. I am learning to ask myself- what can I do to raise my own energy? What do I need right now. I need a quiet moment to write my thoughts. I need some movement, perhaps dance or walking or stretching. I need a cup of tea. I need to make some art. I need to pray. 

I will do all of that and see where I end up energetically. Now my relationship has a chance. I need to bring myself to the table and then my partner can meet me. I can't show up begging him to make me feel a 10/10. I have to do the work for myself. 

I have debated using pictures on this blog, but know that if I commit to pictures, I will wind up getting tired of writing here. I do not want to document my life with pictures, as it becomes tedious. We are consumed with our phones, and photos. I also want to keep the privacy of individuals by not photographing my real life here. I do share oodles about myself on YouTube (169) Sheep Hill Herbs - YouTube   

I also do not want to put AI generated photos here. I want to tell stories. I want to tell stories that remind me of tales of old. I would immerse myself in my father's books; he was a history teacher and avid reader. There were no pictures. My mind created the pictures. The words and letters and storytelling was so good and vivid that pictures were not necessary. 

​This afternoon I realized I had thought myself into a low vibe place. Just this past Sunday, about 4 days ago, I was in a high vibe place. If I employ muscle testing, which is what I do, I would say I was a 7/10 on Sunday. If I continue to employ muscle testing, I don't know if I have ever been above a 7 in my life! The scale I use is my scale and I use this for when I test herbs for people. I have muscle tested a lot of beautiful, attractive, and magnetic individuals and they are usually high vibe, like a 7 and higher, often. 

This afternoon when I realized I was in a slump, which is hard to realize when you are actually in it- I muscle tested myself and found I was a 2/ 10. Ugggghhh! I then went back in time to Monday where I had gone from a 7/ 10 the day before to a 2 out of 10 and then persisted at a 2 for two more days, until Wednesday when I began coming up to a 3. Then I plummeted back down to a 2 Wednesday evening and remained there until I was sitting on my lawn chair Thursday afternoon wondering why I seem to go up and down and up and down with my emotions so often.

The truth is I tend to abandon my desires, and people please. This causes me to say YES when I mean NO and also causes me to NOT do what I want and then feel anger at those, I help do what they want. For the privacy of certain individuals, I will say that there are some close relatives in my life that I feel compelled to please at the expense of myself. Maybe you can relate. Why? Why? This is what I ask myself. Lately I have been thinking it is because I do not feel capable of "making it on my own," in this life and so I fear being rejected by certain people who I rely on heavily for my financial security.

I thought of these things as I sat on my lawn chair and realized my vibe had dropped to a 2- again and I thought "ENOUGH!" I have had enough of my own energy and vibration dropping down because of the actions, and/ or inactions of certain individuals in my life. I need to turn to my desires, what I can do, what I want, what I am supposed to do with my life. 

Sounds selfish? Maybe. But I think it is more selfish to hide my own light and never live my God-given purpose because I am afraid to displease man. God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!

When I figured out, I had let myself drop down to a 2 with my thoughts and vibration, I determined to do something about it, this time. I think I normally wait for circumstances to change with certain individuals so that I can feel better when they either act better, or compliment me, or make me feel better by their words, or deeds, or good behavior. ENOUGH! I say ENOUGH of this. 

That is when I felt inspired to start writing my story. If you read the previous blog post I shared how this year, the year of 2026 was to be the year of "This Book Belongs to Me." I did not know what that meant, until today. This is my book, this blog. This is my story. I am an Herbalist. I am a Healer. I am a wife and mother, and I struggle every day on this journey of life. This blog is my record of successes and wins, and also just what I am going through. I will share what I do to help myself- to find peace and to find healing. I do not want this to be prescriptive. This is inspired writing. I want the writings to be Holy Spirit inspired. 

Today what did I learn? I learned that I am the medicine. Guess what? When I muscle test myself right now- at this moment, I get that my vibe is an 8! Wo-hoo!

Every year, or most years I make a vision board at the beginning of the year. This year I made one with a big sticker that says "This Book Belongs to Me." 
When I make my vision board, I make it via intuition and what I feel drawn to. For instance, I had a whole bunch of things about Italy on my board. Guess what! My husband said to me a few months into 2026- let's go on a trip to Italy! We go in a month!
I had not thought about traveling to Italy for over 20 years. However, when I made that vision board in January, I felt drawn to putting it there on the board with pictures of olives and bread. I am gluten free by the way and want to be able to eat wheat in Italy. My goal for the last 2 years was to introduce wheat back into my diet. I will let you know how that goes after the trip. 

"THIS BOOK BELONGS TO ME"

I have not known what this meant exactly. I did start to write a book. It is a fiction story about an herbalist. I am delighted with what I have written so far but really need a deep and creative time with no distractions to write a cohesive story. I am thinking a few months in New England by myself. What I realized is that "this book belongs to me," is not the story I began writing about the herbalist. 

I think "THIS STORY BELONGS TO ME," means this blog. My blog has been something I wanted to put time and energy to for years now. You may or may not know I have a pretty active YouTube Channel (169) Sheep Hill Herbs - YouTube. This channel has been a creative outlet and way for me to share about herbs for the last 6 years. The problem is I have felt a bit flat about my videos the past year. What was once a source of zest and excitement for me to create, now feels like a chore. I am however making these lovely little shorts and enjoying them immensely. 

Writing this blog though has been calling me this year. I want to write my story. I want to tell you about the life of an Herbalist, a mother, a wife, a person on a healing journey. I do not want to give out prescriptions for herbal formulas. I don't want to tell you how to heal your hormone issues, or your digestive issues, or your hair loss, but at the same time I am going to show you how to find healing through writing this blog.

This is MY BLOG. It will evolve. I want to write here every day. I thought about Substack, but this feels more like mine. I pray that those who are to find it, do. I pray that the algorithm is kind. I pray that God makes a way where the is no way, that He parts the waters of the Internet to set those who need to be set free- FREE.

Thank you for being here, for landing here, for answering the call to find me here. 
God Bless-

​Dr. Jenel Schaffer