Really Being Ok with Who I Am

If you notice a sting, or a squeeze, or any kind of sensation in your body when comparing to someone- you are not ok with who you are. 

Most people- who I would say are "normal" people will compare themselves to others in their circle. I am not a violinist and will not compare myself to someone who is. I may look at an accomplished musician and feel awe or gratitude for their ability, but I will not compare and condemn myself. 

Someone who has not healed may have a hard time even recognizing the magnificence in another. They may criticize continually. I have had the privilege of learning this odd lesson through close contact with a particular family. I used to be in awe of them. They were always so confident, and capable and seemed wonderful at everything they did. They had this weird habit though of criticizing, making fun of and not giving credit to any other human beings. 

These people had a significant flaw that prevented them from realistically viewing themselves and others. This grandiosity gave them great ability, but and on the surface, they seemed great- but their humanity was lacking.  

I on the other hand had a tendency to compare and condemn myself for not being good enough, tall enough, earning enough, etc. I would view others and then put myself down, amplifying other people as so much better than myself. 

Just recently I noticed a few people that I used to compare myself to, and I thought- hmmm wow, or hmmm what they do just doesn't feel like me, or what they do is great for them. I then thought "I am happy, like really happy with what I do." This was a big win for me, to feel deeply satisfied with my own abilities, my own gifts, my own progress, and my own life. 

I want you to know that the person out there that you compare yourself to, may look "perfect." They may check all the boxes and have all the stuff. They may also be deeply wounded, and miserable because they are not even close to being aligned with who they are. They are just really good at competing and looking the part.

I have decided I would rather live in a cabin in the woods and be my true self- then in a castle on a hill and have got there by deceit to myself and others.