My Herbs Blog
,Lately, and because it is summer and the plants are blooming, and fresh every day, I usually wake up and pick something fresh for my morning tea. Today though, it is rainy and I am not feeling like going out to pick my herbs. I do think it is important, however to spend time outside in all types of weather. We just returned home from vacation where we I had much opportunity to really connect with nature. The home where we were staying was so natural... I felt the earth permeating the whole house.
Our vacation stay was at an old farmhouse in Maine. I have always been attracted to old homes. I even grew up in a one rooms school house (which had been converted and added upon), but there was a definite feel and a wisdom to that home. When I look at all the places I have lived, when I had the express option, I chose homes with that age, and natural feel that reminded me of where I was raised.
Somehow along the way of getting married, and having children, I lost a lot of myself. I want to say that this is normal. I do believe this happens to people, especially women when they have children. Our needs kind of get displaced by the immediate needs of the little ones. It was during my years of child bearing that I found a lot of healing physically, but emotionally and spiritually, I just did not have the time to focus on myself.
I bring this up because healing- or living a life of harmony has more to do with plants that we eat. It has a lot to do with them, but also it is in the way we live. As I write this, I remember a museum I worked at in Vermont- callled Rokeby Museum. I loved working there. It permeated with history. The museum was actually a homestead of a Vermont family. It was rich with the writings, possessions, stories, and art from a few generations of the Robinson family. It is a true treasure because of the consistent amount of preserved history from this particular family over a few generations. It allowed the visitors and employees to really step back in time, and feel the past.
Where am I going with all this? I am heading to this place. I currently live in a newer home. My home has very little of the features that I know in my soul that I am attracted to. I do not have hardwood floors, it has a lot of carpeting, there are a number of natural materials in some stone flooring, and a stone fireplace, and with natural wood beams, but this home has never felt like "home" to me. I have worked on it, reworked it, changed things, moved things, painted rooms, decorated, added artwork, incorporated plants, pretty much everything one can do, besides a full remodel. Yet this home does not feel like home.
I have never understood the reason until now. I understand because I have gotten closer to who I am as a person. This investigation to who I am, as revealed to me a number of characteristics I need to feel at peace or at "one" with my environment. I've denied them to myself. I have felt irritated on a daily basis, and did not understand why I felt so out of tune or like I was missing something. These realizations are good for me. They are good because when we deny our own truth on a regular basis, it does something to our physical bodies. It often brings upon illness or "dis-ease" when we deny who we are, what we know to be true in our deep inner most self.
Where do I go from here? Well- we have been talking about moving for a while now, and I have been looking at homes. Again I have found myself having a really difficult time staying true to myself as I look for a home. I here the voices in my head telling me that "my husband would like this," or "my friends might think that," or "so and so might have this opinion." This is crazy! I can't believe that the thoughts of others are affecting how I live and what type of house I have.
All of this is turning into a bit of a ramble, but it is what I am going through right now. I am determining, or finding out what I want in a home. I am nearly 40 and I know what I want. I have known. I think back on all the homes I have visited, and places I have stayed, and I have recorded those thoughts into my mind. Yet- I have not really executed those thoughts or voiced them and made it a reality in my life. I believe this is important. I believe it is important to one's health to voice and state and make happen those hidden likes and desires. If I don't it is like living with my truth buried, and the body will manifest that discontentedness.
So today, I will take a small step towards making my home a place I can really enjoy. Today I will put forward what efforts I can, one small step at a time to creating change in my life. I will not look at the whole picture as something overwhelming, but will take little bits and try to make those little bits add up to one big piece over time. Step by step, inch by inch, I will let my truth out. I will also continue to look for a new house, and keep in mind that my truth is a home with history, natural materials, and wisdom permeating its beams.
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